myblacksorrow

I can't imagine any of these are good. I'm not used to being the one holding the camera.

[ But he was still a model, and so that is what Esikko gets. One is a higher shot of the first one, showing his bare side that does down to the waistband of his pajama pants. In the second shot, he has rolled onto his back to give a picture of his full, bare upper body. His free hand rests against his abs, Ivan giving the camera a half-lidded look.

In the third picture, he has rolled over one more, laying on his stomach. His head is against the pillow once more, giving a sleepy or seductive smile, his free hand making half a heart against his cheek. ]

Number Three Idol, Ivan's private shoot just for His Highness's eyes and no other.

( Saving all of these, thank you very much... But ugh, he's gotta be cute about it too, huh. )

You definitely know you're good at this. You're teasing me.

( Still, he decides to send a picture back, even if unprompted. Unlike Ivan, he wears a top to bed, though it is slipping from one shoulder. His free hand is trying its best to make a half heart himself. Honestly, he pulls it off, though from his expression he clearly feels silly about it. Pouty? )

What's this cute pose, anyway?

[ Ivan wasn't expecting him to do it back. That is being saved immediately. He wants to be able to look at that pouty face later. And the peek of shoulder, but he's not going to say any of that. ]

I was a professional model, so I know how to pose. Handling the actual equipment and fixing the photos are not my specialty, though.

It was something we started doing at appearances. I think it's supposed to be some sort of 'love you' thing to the fans.

( A love you thing? A love you thing... that's so... cute? To the fans, but he's getting this special? He's definitely going manic over here, dear god.

It takes him a moment to focus on what to write, even if it does come across a little disjointed. )

I think I can see the appeal.

Do you like to be alone, Ivan?

[ And yet he has no idea the mild panic he caused. He's just happy he hasn't completely eroded his abilities in the months here. ]

I don't. That might be why I end up being so clingy when I'm around people.

I do know how to be alone, though. It doesn't bother me.

I don't like it either. But I don't think I've ever learned how to be, even if it always goes that way.

I hate it.

You aren't alone right now. You're with a friend, and you're talking to me.

Unless it's not the same unless you can hold something.

[ He would understand. It was why he was awake and wrapped around his pillow for the moment. ]

( It's true, he's right, and that last part makes him pause. Unless he can hold something? )

It's... different, at least, right? Like being in the room with someone who pays attention to you versus someone with their mind elsewhere.

The physical reminder is nice.

Part of me wants to sneak out at this miserable hour and visit you. For that reminder, maybe.

Is anyone going to tell you no?

[ If Ivan had to really think about it. Maybe the friend was his boyfriend or lover and would pout if he left. Ivan doesn't know how these things work. ]

What does the other part of you want?

No. Unless you might.

The other part of me says I should be more reasonable than to bother you at this hour with my own desires.

I’ll leave the door cracked for you. That way you know which room to enter. The floor with the sixes.

It might be reasonable, but it might also help both of us sleep if you went with that selfish desire.

( ... He might be already slipping out of bed. )

Soooo... what do YOU desire?

A cute guy who gets flustered sometimes, sitting where I can put my arms around him.

( asdfghjkl )

I do not get flustered! You're just surprising sometimes.

( He says, flustered... but pleased that Ivan is saying he wants him there too. Onto an elevator he goes. In his pjs. )

Text can be hard to read, but that sounds sort of flustered to me.

Does that mean you’re surprised I said it so openly?

Yes, since you're the type to say things like "I don't know what I want~ I've never wanted before in my life~"

( Is that what he'd say. He's teasing back to cover himself, a little. )

[ It seems there is a pause and a few rewrites before he settles on a reply that satisfies him.]

Help me want something.

( Ah... he never thought the whole perfect prince charming lines would work on someone like himself, but here he is, heart racing at that line. what the hell. )

A challenge, hm? I'll accept. 💖

( It's only a moment later that the door to Ivan's suite creaks open, Esikko barely poking his head in. )

Ivan...? ( Surely only one person would leave the door cracked. )

[ Ivan laid on the bed in his rather plain room. If not for him and the small stack of papers on the table topped with a pen, it might even look like no one lived in it. With the call of the name, Ivan sits up, looking away from the watch to wave to Esikko instead. He was still shirtless, only wearing his pajama pants. ]

I'm here. Come in.

( With confirmation, he enters the rest of the way, allowing the front door to shut softly behind him. He's in that baggy shirt, artfully hanging loose from one shoulder, shorts that expose far too much leg, and some slippers that he slides off right by the door, allowing a little laugh to slip out as he moves over. )

...Hehe, it feels like I'm sneaking out from the palace again to go out to the town, somehow.

( Because it's so late? Because he was quiet down the halls to avoid waking anyone up unnecessarily? He doesn't know what it is, exactly, but it makes him a little giddy, even as he presses a knee down on the bed and leans shamelessly in over Ivan. Arms hook around his shoulders, and with a little lunge, he aims to lean his whole body weight against him. Like a hug? A hug crossed with a pull down to the bed, and a kiss that he buries into his neck. )

You'll have to forgive me if I come across too eager. ( Spoken into his neck, pleased by the warmth of another. ) I'm really so restless, right now.

[ Ivan's arms come up, but the force pushes him back. Arms wrap around Esikko as he goes back against the bed once again, eyes going to the ceiling when not on pink tresses that fell against him. He's gotten use to the feel of holding this cold body against his own, his own hands sliding down his sides to loosely wrap around his waist.

The kiss makes him feel warm, but it feels less like he's too eager and more like ... something else. He doesn't really know what it is, though. Maybe Esikko was being normal, and it's Ivan's brain that was the one being weird.

No matter the answer, he turns his head and kisses the side of Esikko's face. ]

The eagerness doesn't bother me, even if I'm not used to it. I just want to resolve your restlessness so you can sleep, even if it has to happen while you're clinging to me like this.

So talk. Tell me about this restless feeling, even if it's embarrassing.

( The hug is so... soft. Compared to everyone else Esikko has been drawn to, Ivan is a little like a breath of fresh air. He wraps his arms around him immediately, but that's not really the new and surprising part— it's the kiss to the side of his face, the kind, straightforward words without any hint of looking down on him or being embarrassed for it. It makes his cheeks flush a little, though he can't quite figure out why.

But it's... new, to feel like drawing himself closer to someone who isn't either unhealthily obsessed with him in an aggressively toxic way or just a straight up tsundere... What is this mysterious third thing he's finding here? )

I... ( Part of him does want to share, with Ivan, because it feels easier to, because he's putting up with him coming all the way here at this hour of night. But he is embarrassed, and the longer he tries to think on it, the more that mixes around, making him feel... more manic? Because what he wants, he thinks, is more of this... He ends up laughing a little as he tries and struggles to come up with words, burying his face further, pressing his body closer. )

Well, your pictures didn't really inspire sleep. ( Coyly, he presses another kiss, sneaking a hand back and between them to press a cool palm against that bare chest. Hello... ) But it's not just wanting to be close in the way this place normally encourages, you know?

I don't know. I can't explain it, it's not something I'm used to. But... this does feel nice, just like this.

You asked for them.

[ It made sense, though. He didn't do anything sexual in the pictures, but they were tastefully playful and showed him off. With Esi's hand against his chest, he would imagine that they were received well despite his amateur job of it.

Wanting to be close in a way that isn't just the way this place usually is. The first thing to come to his mind was the sight of two girls holding hands and smiling at each other while he looked on. The memory reminded him of that mysterious feeling that gripped him when he realized the truth of their different situations.

Whatever Esikko was feeling, it wasn't the same as that. Yet, it still made him feel heavy. Spoiled. He shouldn't know what something like this feels like. ]

Then let's lay like this and talk about something else. Along with all of this other stuff.

[ Like the cuddling. ...He thinks this is what cuddling is. Also the kissing, which he leans in and gives Esikko another of.

This was better. ]

I wanted them.

( He reaffirms that easily, cool hand smoothing over Ivan's chest before he wraps it back around him in their embrace. He craves physical intimacy, because that's so easy here, because it brings him closer to people, let's him feel wanted. So, of course it's hard to not let his mind wander to how warm Ivan feels.

But there's something even nicer about the cuddling, right now. New, foreign, so warm and it's making him dizzy how giddy he feels about it. Ugh, is it his suit acting up? Or, something else?

He decides he doesn't care what the cause is, right now, and pulls back just enough to be able to look at Ivan's face. His own cheeks are a little pink, but it's hard to tell in the dark. )

Maybe we should talk about what thoughts have kept you awake, this time.

Me? Let's see.

[ He didn't have to think about it. He knew what was keeping him up and the memories that went with it. Those feelings were things he thought he was used to. It shouldn't be as heavy as it was. ]

Have you ever fought with someone while knowing it was stupid? Getting stuck arguing and having a poor relationship with someone, but keep getting drawn in regardless? All you've wished was to make something of it or stop.

[ The words were better when given in such a vague way. His hand felt idle circles against Esi's skin, his eyes searching for nothing in particular in the darkness. ]

I wanted to be greedy enough to at least be friends, but in the end he really did hate me.

[ Even he thought it was weird to have to fight so hard just to be friends with someone. Something that was so effortless for others was an ordeal in his case. It was having Esikko there that brought him a clarity he worried over before. ]

He seemed to hate when I gave you attention, but I never regretted becoming friends with you.

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