[ While distracting, the messages alone were not the single cause for his delay. Yes, Till got lost a couple of times trying to figure out the ship's layout in his search for Ivan's cabin. It's not until he stands in front of Ivan's door that he considers the possibility that the watch may have come equipped with a map of the boat. While tempting to check if that is true, he doesn't want to end up feeling any more foolish than before. Instead, he sends Ivan one last message and waits for him to open the door. ]
[ The door opens after the message is received, Ivan leaning against the wall next to the door. With the door open, he steps away, going back to sitting on the bed. Till can close it and do as he wished.
Now that he didn't have to annoy him over text, Ivan was back to being quiet, looking at Till now that he was there. It happened so naturally that he didn't really stop to think about this until that moment.
They sought each other out. Till wanted to find him and be close by. It hadn't been very long, but it had already fallen into routine. Yet, Ivan doubted that Till even noticed how different things were between them.
Ignoring all of that, Ivan lifts his hand to hold out the card that was left to him. Should Till want to see what Ivan's says, this was his chance. ]
[ When the door opens, what welcomes Till is Ivan with a silent greeting in the form of a practiced amicable expression. That's not what he seeks to see on Ivan's face, but perhaps it's impossible to replicate the expression worn on stage in those final moments they shared. Till, who witnessed that face, still had not found a way to recreate that image.
Closing the door once he enters the cabin, he walks toward the bed, and before he even considers sitting beside Ivan, the card is extended out to him. He takes the card, and soon Till is scrutinizing each square, noting the tasks to be completed. This card is different from his own. Much like his own list of tasks, he is having trouble understanding what Ivan is required to do. However, what is clear is that they are still even; neither of them has completed any squares.
Of course, what Till doesn't realize is that, despite Ivan's good looks, there's no getting far on the first day.
Digging into his pockets, he produces his card to hand over to Ivan, it's a bit crumpled up from poor treatment and neglect. Yes, in those few hours aboard the boat, he had already decided to put it away until it was deemed necessary to examine it. Before Ivan can comment on the card's state, he speaks up. ]
You can also look at it here. [ He taps the watch on his wrist. ]
I don't know how you're going to get any of this done.
[ Ivan was popular in Anakt Garden. He could be popular here. It doesn't mean he knows how to complete some of the things listed. ]
[ It's taking him a bit of reading, but he could sort of tell what half of Tills list was. Some of the items caught his attention. As he tried to pull the card out at its corners to read what Till's card said in the creases. ]
I can read mine there, but not yours.
[ Ivan held the card in his lap, looking up at Till instead curiously. He couldn't say the word in the last box, but he recognized what it meant. The images floating around Ivan's head of Till trying to complete some of these was making him far more aware of the fact they were alone in this room. ]
I don't know how I'm going to do most of these, either. They really threw a challenge at us so soon.
[ He knew they would have to, but this was like being thrown in the deep end on your first practice swim. ]
[ Watching Ivan try to smooth out the crinkles on his card prompts him to compare them. The card in his hand shows a stark difference in treatment between the two. Does this have any significance on how they feel about participating? Do the creases on his card convey his reluctance? He already said he would do it. He already said he could do anything with anyone. ]
Obviously. I only said it so you would know.
[ And not mention the poor state of his card.
When Ivan lifts his gaze away from the card, Till drops his down toward the sheet in his hand. He has already read it once; he can look through it a second time—even a third. It doesn't make it easier to understand. Mirrors is a strange task. He knows what a mirror is, but it doesn't explain what is supposed to be done with it, although if he takes a little longer to reconsider the theming.
Everything is about that here! ]
I thought about asking people here.
[ Some are more to share finer details than others. ]
[ He could hear his heartbeat in his ears at that answer. For a stark moment, All of Ivan's calm melted away to the sickening, suffocating, heavy knot of feelings growing in his gut. Till was thinking of asking people here about the fills. That fill. He gave all the hopes and aspirations up when he gave up for Till, but it didn't stop those shallow emotions from threatening him.
Once the moment passed, his expression when back to normal, tilting his head and considering the situation logically. They would have to at least accomplish something. He wasn't familiar with what occurred if you didn't participate, but he really wasn't interested in learning about the method of punishments here. ]
If you end up curious about anything, I can look through the book I was given. It's still here.
[ Looking away from him, he held the card back out for him. So those were the sorts of things he was going to do with other people. Well, if Till managed it, he'll deal with it when it happens. Ivan had his own issues to work through in order to perform as expected. ]
[ Till's attention remains on Ivan's card as he tries to comprehend the logic behind some of the items listed. Even when considering the resort as a backdrop, he still can't make sense of half the tasks. It's the same experience he has with his own card. Perhaps he is overthinking things? He isn't sure, he closes his hand around Ivan's card (guaranteeing it will end up like his own) before lightly punching his head. He'll stop. Maybe it should be whatever.
When he looks at Ivan, the dark expression is long gone; it's the practiced face he expects to see and has grown to dislike. It's also a visage he accepts. It's a part of the guy or something. ]
That's what the book is about?
[ He takes his card but doesn't return Ivan's, and instead Till holds a card in each hand. He isn't comparing the damage done to the cards any longer; he is comparing to see if they share anything in common. Of course, he knows there is nothing similar, but maybe there is a way to make it work? ]
[ His smile and brows raised at the same time. Till thought so much of his machinations, really. That Ivan would have a plan when it came to anything that wasn't just 'survive to the next stage', was a lit of misplaced expectation. Not saying as much out loud, he looked away momentarily, organizing his thoughts. ]
I'm not sure, really. Cuddling seems easy, as well as licking and hair pulling. I have to put real consideration into the others. What about you? Did you come up with a plan for yours?
[ It was for the best that Till missed that moment of realism in Ivan. He didn't know how he would have explained the look on his face, much less the feelings that came with it. Now that he's had time to calm down and think it over, the idea of someone else kissing Till could be beneficial. At least one of them should have an idea what real kissing is supposed to be like. ]
Did he say that wrong? What was it about Ivan's dumb smile that made him feel stupid? He wants to understand how Ivan plans to approach this. Yes, he knows that some things listed are simple. He has a set of tasks that fall into that same category. If he were a spiteful person, Till would scratch Ivan. He could get that done and over with. He doesn't, despite entertaining the idea. It would put him ahead. ]
Cuddling is easy?
[ Maybe for Ivan. Licking falls into the gross category. Hair pulling is the way to go, and that is somehow something he can imagine Ivan doing. Not to someone. To him. Some degree of awareness prompts him to take a step backward and thank himself for never sitting beside Ivan on the bed. ]
If I could wake up and it was done—
[ is wishful thinking because he already knows the sway of the boat is going to keep him awake on most nights. He already struggles to sleep. He holds out Ivan's card for him to take. ] Do you know what the last two are?
[ Ivan had yet to even contemplate doing something, and Till was already backing away from him. He couldn't even be surprised at the level of insult it dealt with him. The urge to tell Till that he already knew he wasn't interested in him sat on the tip of his tongue, but he decided not to give the obvious air. They both already knew what happened in the past. ]
On yours, right? I saw the L-thing in costuming with that whole movie-shooting thing back when I arrived. It was like fancy, lewd underwear? I'm not well-versed in women's underwear, but that's what I could compare it to?
As for the other one, I don't know. I can look it up.
[ Taking his card and tucking it away, he leaned away to grab the book that was close by. The appearance of the card did provoke him to look up what new information he needed to know. Now it was being opened once again to find the answer to a new question. ]
I'm aware of the two words separated. It has something to do with the ejaculation of semen... [ Ivan focused on slipping through the pages, trying to see if he could find what page it was on. ]
[ Unaware of the injury his retreat caused, Till maintains distance. A pace away from Ivan, which, truthfully, isn't much of a divide. He nods when Ivan asks if he is speaking about his card. Yes, he is, and about the L-thing. That thing. Which somehow looks familiar yet at the same time not. Yet as Ivan continues with his explanation, it starts to become clearer to him. He does recall all the costumes and performance pieces during the movie shoots.
Everyone was either forced to or willingly participated in taking on an acting role. It was easy to figure out which camp he was a part of. It was also easy to imagine that most of his costumes were forced upon him. There were plenty of big, buff, owl-headed men to shove him into clothes. ]
That's it? I'm doing that again.
[ That is already two squares he shows apparent lack of interest in. He isn't going to go out there to kiss someone, and it would take a group of owl-headed guards to get him into lingerie for a second time.
Falling silent, he watches as Ivan fetches his book. For a second, curiosity almost draws him in close to have a look inside. It's his general disinterest in reading books that keeps him at a distance. ]
Yeah? With what? [ He should have paid more attention when Hiyori made him go to the library! ]
[ Finding the passage on Cum play lured Ivan to pause and read everything that the book had on the subject. Till could be witness to every stage of grief and confusion as Ivan became more and more acquainted with the term and what actions could be taken to fulfill the square that had been given to Till.
Gently, Ivan closes the book and sets it aside. Till wasn't strong enough for that sort of thing. He could barely imagine the other man allowing someone to pass step one, much less get to the play portion.
With a squint, Ivan smoothed his expression back to his default, waving the book off. ]
You don't have to worry about cum play. Maybe you should focus more on the others.
[ There is nothing for him to do as Ivan becomes further acquainted with the book. Till will stand there watching as his expression shifts. It's a genuine reflection of Ivan's feelings. Till is a witness to bewilderment, dejection, and everything in between. That is more of a draw than curiosity over the book's contents; it's enough for him to close the distance to get a better look at Ivan's face.
However, it's not long before the book is closed; there won't be any more of those changing expressions for him to see. ]
[ Ivan looked up at him for a moment, his brows furrowed as he tried to find a way to put it in a way Till would understand. He noticed that Till was closer than he was before. Was he tried to read it while he was looking at it? No, probably not. Till really hated books. ]
It's ... playing around with the semen. You can put it on you, in your mouth, you can kiss each other with it... It's all about just doing things with the leftover semen.
[ And that was why he said it was not something to worry about. Till would have to reach the point of letting people do that to him, not to mention wanting to do things even more gross than just kissing was. If there was someone out there who could get him to do that, they were more powerful than Ivan was. ]
[ He should know. He should be aware, not solely because it is something written on his bingo card. If he has to live in such a place, it is a topic that could arise. It's also something that can be promised and bargained with. That's how it works, right? That's why when Ivan relents and provides him with an explanation, he should not regret it. Except he does. His expression shifts, his disgust unhidden even behind a hand he raises in a failed attempt to hide his feelings.
His card is pulled out of his pocket once again, and this time it isn't offered to Ivan. Instead, he begins to tear it up into pieces. It won't make it vanish; a copy exists in his watch, but there is some satisfaction to be had. Once he is done. Once he can no longer tear it into even smaller pieces, Till flops on the bed before throwing the bits of card up into the air. They come down like confetti on him. ]
[ There was a long pause before he could answer, which was probably telling all on its own. If it was a full on no, he would have already said so. The need to think about it was saying more than his words did. Tilting his head in the direction Till say down, he slowly rose his shoulders instead.
I don't know was a good answer, wasn't it? It could be yes. It could be no. It could be 'this place is forcing us to do things under duress'. The sky was the limit when it came to this answer and the level of coersion it took. ]
[ The suspiciously long silent pause that came before Ivan’s reply was vocalized cause him to consider that the answer is something other than no. No is a short simple reply. All it took is committing to the idea that participating in something so disgusting is unappealing. That there is no reason to even entertain any thoughts of doing something so vulgar. Ivan does not look like the type. He is handsome. But in the end, Till knows better than to be fooled by good looks alone.
When the reply comes, he can’t help scoff. There it is. And if it depends on the who the should he assume Ivan already has someone in mind? He has been here long enough to have met some people. Maybe he found someone after all and that means he is already that far behind. ]
Then you have your someone.
Should I leave so you can find them and to do whatever?
[ If he told Till there was no one but him, would that change anything? They both knew Till wasn't interested in him, so why rehash the sinking defeat of trying to make Till see and understand something. ]
What does that have to do with a person? I've licked your blood before. I'm willing to attempt anything once and give it a personal opinion.
Or are you telling me to go and find someone who would do that?
[ He probably could, but what would be the point of him doing it? It wasn't on his card. He had to worry about his own asks and how he was going to approach anyone for things like these. Till's scoff was what really caught his attention. The more he tried to think of what occurred and what he did wrong. Was he not supposed to be honest about trying it?
Trying to navigate Till's moods was tiring. ]
You've worn the perverted clothes before. Why don't you go to them and do it again? It's an easy clear. [ His voice sounded as monotone and flippant as always. It was hard to know what he felt about it one way or another. ]
[ Exactly how does licking blood compare to putting his lips and tongue on that other stuff. Unless he is supposed to interpret this as Ivan being willing to stick just about anything in his mouth? Considering experience, he is going to file that away as a maybe. A possibility that only Ivan knows, and it doesn't include him. Which is fine! Why would he want to see that? If Ivan says he is willing to try anything once for personal opinion, then what does he have to say about it? He has nothing. He has his own card to complete. That's it. ]
Let you lick...?
[ Their blood? Semen? What?
He doesn't linger long on the thought, so there is no opportunity to consider any other bodily fluid that Ivan may decide he wants to have a taste of. Instead, a reminder of the clothes he wore is brought back. He thought it was meaningless since Ivan didn't comment on it earlier. They were clothes, yes, not adequate for anything, as far as he knows. It was part of a getup forced on him-a performance costume. ]
I don't want to do that.
Or if you think it is so easy, should I try touching lips with them too?
[ He doesn't answer the first, getting frustrated with the way they were both just walking around the issue. It was difficult to do anything about the actual issue when Till had such a heavy dislike of these sorts of things. ]
This isn't going to be like The Garden. You aren't going to be restrained and left alone if you disobey.
[ Till was always like this. He was rebellious and hard to control. It was both his best and worst trait. If Ivan could take him away from having to do these things, he would, but he couldn't.
It did make him wonder. Would there be some new vision of hope that Till throws his heart at this time? ]
If it bothers you so much, find a way around the parts you don't like. If you find someone to your tastes, then it will be fine, right?
[ Ivan's words are impossible to interpret, to translate into something he can comprehend. Silence is worse. The lack of an answer leaves him to wonder about all the possibilities he doesn't want to consider. He can't even pinpoint why it bothers him at all. All that's left is frustration that can only be directed at the man whose bed he occupies.
Turning on his side, he reaches out for Ivan's sleeve, his fingers brush against the fabric. Before he grabs on, he pulls his hand back.
Is that what Ivan wants to do then? He wants to chase an opinion. Would he do something so vulgar to find his thoughts about an act? Would he also put his tongue on someone else's blood? That's the part about Ivan that he dislikes, his peculiar and incomprehensible actions. Would someone else accept it? If he understood him better. Splaying himself on his back, looking up at the ceiling, he gets an arm around himself. If it's blood. Digging his nails into his arm, into his skin, trying to draw it out. ]
I'm not an idiot. I know this is not Anakt Garden.
[ Or maybe he is an idiot because of what he is doing. ]
[ He wanted to answer, but stopped when he saw Till reach out. His gaze moved down to that reach and how it faltered and fell back before he could do anything. How many times have they been at this point? Till wanted something, but decided against it. The feeling it blossoms in Ivan is strange, but not unfamiliar. He's felt it before. The sharp edges and how it impales itself into his other feelings. ]
I don't have to do it that way--
[ Closing his eyes and taking a breath, Ivan attempts to recenter himself before he looked at Till again. It does not help when he notices the way Till was holding himself, digging into his arm. Ivan paused, slowly blinking and taking in what he was looking at.
He still couldn't comprehend Till at all. ]
What are you doing?
[ His usual monotone was audibly soft and breathy. It was a question with no edges or power. What is this idiot doing? Why was it coming from something Till himself asked Ivan to answer for him? Why did it matter how he was going to do it? ]
[ Without an explanation after rejecting the idea that Ivan proposed for him, what is he supposed to think? Should he desperately search everyone for someone? Someone who suits his tastes? His type, as they say here? Yet Ivan says he doesn't have to go that far? He doesn't have to make the effort. Because Ivan will satisfy that requirement with anyone? Because he can? Because he has all those qualities that people like? Till recalls all the presents handed to him meant for Ivan.
However, this ultimately confirms for Till that Ivan already has someone in mind. There is someone. That he is here only to compare cards, and maybe Ivan is right. He cannot do this. He cannot be like Ivan and go out there to seek a someone for himself. He does wish he could close his eyes and wake with his card complete. Even if he comes out of it in a haze.
Fine. He knew already anyway. He is trash.
But maybe Ivan can do all that. Perhaps he can complete the acts, get through playing the game, collect the cards, and fulfill all the requirements. Would he leave him again then? He has nothing to give here, nothing to offer, and his blood is nothing new. He is nothing but an idiot. ]
Nothing.
[ They compared cards. He knows how to find Ivan's room. They've done everything they set out to do today. He should stop imposing on Ivan's time and space. He should reject that hollow feeling that comes with separation. It was never there before. Before he became entirely alone. He sits up and looks toward the cabin's door. ]
[ Ivan was in the process of reaching out, his hand nearly close enough to brush Till's arm before he had to draw it back. He watches Till sit up, Ivan resting his hand in his lap instead. Why was it always like this? He could feel a familiar pressure building up behind his eyes. A pain that was like having a pick shoved between his brows.
He had to force it, raising his brows to give Till a casual look of curiosity. If he was going to send him his door number, that must mean he intended to leave. It probably would have been for the best. If they hope to make it for the long run, they had to find ways to be comfortable with the things they had to do here.
It was easier when it was just singing. ]
Alright, I'll note it in the watch when you do. Does that mean you're leaving?
[ From the moment they exchanged cards and brushed upon that subject, he lost track of how to proceed. Or was it when he tried to draw the attention in a way he thought would not fail? He touches his arm, his fingers brushing over the self-inflicted scratches, biting his lower lip. Till lowers his gaze to the floor. How many times can he think of himself as an idiot? Endlessly, probably.
He gets up, his intention obviously to head toward the door. If Ivan wants to complete the card, he needs space and time, and he doesn't need Till hovering around. Determined to go, he had already made up his mind not to share his cabin number after all. It would make him a liar, but is that worse than being an idiot? ]
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[ While distracting, the messages alone were not the single cause for his delay. Yes, Till got lost a couple of times trying to figure out the ship's layout in his search for Ivan's cabin. It's not until he stands in front of Ivan's door that he considers the possibility that the watch may have come equipped with a map of the boat. While tempting to check if that is true, he doesn't want to end up feeling any more foolish than before. Instead, he sends Ivan one last message and waits for him to open the door. ]
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Now that he didn't have to annoy him over text, Ivan was back to being quiet, looking at Till now that he was there. It happened so naturally that he didn't really stop to think about this until that moment.
They sought each other out. Till wanted to find him and be close by. It hadn't been very long, but it had already fallen into routine. Yet, Ivan doubted that Till even noticed how different things were between them.
Ignoring all of that, Ivan lifts his hand to hold out the card that was left to him. Should Till want to see what Ivan's says, this was his chance. ]
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Closing the door once he enters the cabin, he walks toward the bed, and before he even considers sitting beside Ivan, the card is extended out to him. He takes the card, and soon Till is scrutinizing each square, noting the tasks to be completed. This card is different from his own. Much like his own list of tasks, he is having trouble understanding what Ivan is required to do. However, what is clear is that they are still even; neither of them has completed any squares.
Of course, what Till doesn't realize is that, despite Ivan's good looks, there's no getting far on the first day.
Digging into his pockets, he produces his card to hand over to Ivan, it's a bit crumpled up from poor treatment and neglect. Yes, in those few hours aboard the boat, he had already decided to put it away until it was deemed necessary to examine it. Before Ivan can comment on the card's state, he speaks up. ]
You can also look at it here. [ He taps the watch on his wrist. ]
I don't know how you're going to get any of this done.
[ Ivan was popular in Anakt Garden. He could be popular here. It doesn't mean he knows how to complete some of the things listed. ]
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I can read mine there, but not yours.
[ Ivan held the card in his lap, looking up at Till instead curiously. He couldn't say the word in the last box, but he recognized what it meant. The images floating around Ivan's head of Till trying to complete some of these was making him far more aware of the fact they were alone in this room. ]
I don't know how I'm going to do most of these, either. They really threw a challenge at us so soon.
[ He knew they would have to, but this was like being thrown in the deep end on your first practice swim. ]
Are you going to kiss someone?
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Obviously. I only said it so you would know.
[ And not mention the poor state of his card.
When Ivan lifts his gaze away from the card, Till drops his down toward the sheet in his hand. He has already read it once; he can look through it a second time—even a third. It doesn't make it easier to understand. Mirrors is a strange task. He knows what a mirror is, but it doesn't explain what is supposed to be done with it, although if he takes a little longer to reconsider the theming.
Everything is about that here! ]
I thought about asking people here.
[ Some are more to share finer details than others. ]
I don't have to do everything. Just enough.
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Once the moment passed, his expression when back to normal, tilting his head and considering the situation logically. They would have to at least accomplish something. He wasn't familiar with what occurred if you didn't participate, but he really wasn't interested in learning about the method of punishments here. ]
If you end up curious about anything, I can look through the book I was given. It's still here.
[ Looking away from him, he held the card back out for him. So those were the sorts of things he was going to do with other people. Well, if Till managed it, he'll deal with it when it happens. Ivan had his own issues to work through in order to perform as expected. ]
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When he looks at Ivan, the dark expression is long gone; it's the practiced face he expects to see and has grown to dislike. It's also a visage he accepts. It's a part of the guy or something. ]
That's what the book is about?
[ He takes his card but doesn't return Ivan's, and instead Till holds a card in each hand. He isn't comparing the damage done to the cards any longer; he is comparing to see if they share anything in common. Of course, he knows there is nothing similar, but maybe there is a way to make it work? ]
What are you planning to do first?
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[ His smile and brows raised at the same time. Till thought so much of his machinations, really. That Ivan would have a plan when it came to anything that wasn't just 'survive to the next stage', was a lit of misplaced expectation. Not saying as much out loud, he looked away momentarily, organizing his thoughts. ]
I'm not sure, really. Cuddling seems easy, as well as licking and hair pulling. I have to put real consideration into the others. What about you? Did you come up with a plan for yours?
[ It was for the best that Till missed that moment of realism in Ivan. He didn't know how he would have explained the look on his face, much less the feelings that came with it. Now that he's had time to calm down and think it over, the idea of someone else kissing Till could be beneficial. At least one of them should have an idea what real kissing is supposed to be like. ]
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Did he say that wrong? What was it about Ivan's dumb smile that made him feel stupid? He wants to understand how Ivan plans to approach this. Yes, he knows that some things listed are simple. He has a set of tasks that fall into that same category. If he were a spiteful person, Till would scratch Ivan. He could get that done and over with. He doesn't, despite entertaining the idea. It would put him ahead. ]
Cuddling is easy?
[ Maybe for Ivan. Licking falls into the gross category. Hair pulling is the way to go, and that is somehow something he can imagine Ivan doing. Not to someone. To him. Some degree of awareness prompts him to take a step backward and thank himself for never sitting beside Ivan on the bed. ]
If I could wake up and it was done—
[ is wishful thinking because he already knows the sway of the boat is going to keep him awake on most nights. He already struggles to sleep. He holds out Ivan's card for him to take. ] Do you know what the last two are?
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On yours, right? I saw the L-thing in costuming with that whole movie-shooting thing back when I arrived. It was like fancy, lewd underwear? I'm not well-versed in women's underwear, but that's what I could compare it to?
As for the other one, I don't know. I can look it up.
[ Taking his card and tucking it away, he leaned away to grab the book that was close by. The appearance of the card did provoke him to look up what new information he needed to know. Now it was being opened once again to find the answer to a new question. ]
I'm aware of the two words separated. It has something to do with the ejaculation of semen... [ Ivan focused on slipping through the pages, trying to see if he could find what page it was on. ]
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Everyone was either forced to or willingly participated in taking on an acting role. It was easy to figure out which camp he was a part of. It was also easy to imagine that most of his costumes were forced upon him. There were plenty of big, buff, owl-headed men to shove him into clothes. ]
That's it? I'm doing that again.
[ That is already two squares he shows apparent lack of interest in. He isn't going to go out there to kiss someone, and it would take a group of owl-headed guards to get him into lingerie for a second time.
Falling silent, he watches as Ivan fetches his book. For a second, curiosity almost draws him in close to have a look inside. It's his general disinterest in reading books that keeps him at a distance. ]
Yeah? With what? [ He should have paid more attention when Hiyori made him go to the library! ]
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Gently, Ivan closes the book and sets it aside. Till wasn't strong enough for that sort of thing. He could barely imagine the other man allowing someone to pass step one, much less get to the play portion.
With a squint, Ivan smoothed his expression back to his default, waving the book off. ]
You don't have to worry about cum play. Maybe you should focus more on the others.
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However, it's not long before the book is closed; there won't be any more of those changing expressions for him to see. ]
It's on the card. I should know.
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It's ... playing around with the semen. You can put it on you, in your mouth, you can kiss each other with it... It's all about just doing things with the leftover semen.
[ And that was why he said it was not something to worry about. Till would have to reach the point of letting people do that to him, not to mention wanting to do things even more gross than just kissing was. If there was someone out there who could get him to do that, they were more powerful than Ivan was. ]
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His card is pulled out of his pocket once again, and this time it isn't offered to Ivan. Instead, he begins to tear it up into pieces. It won't make it vanish; a copy exists in his watch, but there is some satisfaction to be had. Once he is done. Once he can no longer tear it into even smaller pieces, Till flops on the bed before throwing the bits of card up into the air. They come down like confetti on him. ]
You wouldn't do that, right?
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I don't know was a good answer, wasn't it? It could be yes. It could be no. It could be 'this place is forcing us to do things under duress'. The sky was the limit when it came to this answer and the level of coersion it took. ]
It depends on who it's with.
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[ The suspiciously long silent pause that came before Ivan’s reply was vocalized cause him to consider that the answer is something other than no. No is a short simple reply. All it took is committing to the idea that participating in something so disgusting is unappealing. That there is no reason to even entertain any thoughts of doing something so vulgar. Ivan does not look like the type. He is handsome. But in the end, Till knows better than to be fooled by good looks alone.
When the reply comes, he can’t help scoff. There it is. And if it depends on the who the should he assume Ivan already has someone in mind? He has been here long enough to have met some people. Maybe he found someone after all and that means he is already that far behind. ]
Then you have your someone.
Should I leave so you can find them and to do whatever?
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What does that have to do with a person? I've licked your blood before. I'm willing to attempt anything once and give it a personal opinion.
Or are you telling me to go and find someone who would do that?
[ He probably could, but what would be the point of him doing it? It wasn't on his card. He had to worry about his own asks and how he was going to approach anyone for things like these. Till's scoff was what really caught his attention. The more he tried to think of what occurred and what he did wrong. Was he not supposed to be honest about trying it?
Trying to navigate Till's moods was tiring. ]
You've worn the perverted clothes before. Why don't you go to them and do it again? It's an easy clear. [ His voice sounded as monotone and flippant as always. It was hard to know what he felt about it one way or another. ]
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Let you lick...?
[ Their blood? Semen? What?
He doesn't linger long on the thought, so there is no opportunity to consider any other bodily fluid that Ivan may decide he wants to have a taste of. Instead, a reminder of the clothes he wore is brought back. He thought it was meaningless since Ivan didn't comment on it earlier. They were clothes, yes, not adequate for anything, as far as he knows. It was part of a getup forced on him-a performance costume. ]
I don't want to do that.
Or if you think it is so easy, should I try touching lips with them too?
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This isn't going to be like The Garden. You aren't going to be restrained and left alone if you disobey.
[ Till was always like this. He was rebellious and hard to control. It was both his best and worst trait. If Ivan could take him away from having to do these things, he would, but he couldn't.
It did make him wonder. Would there be some new vision of hope that Till throws his heart at this time? ]
If it bothers you so much, find a way around the parts you don't like. If you find someone to your tastes, then it will be fine, right?
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Turning on his side, he reaches out for Ivan's sleeve, his fingers brush against the fabric. Before he grabs on, he pulls his hand back.
Is that what Ivan wants to do then? He wants to chase an opinion. Would he do something so vulgar to find his thoughts about an act? Would he also put his tongue on someone else's blood? That's the part about Ivan that he dislikes, his peculiar and incomprehensible actions. Would someone else accept it? If he understood him better. Splaying himself on his back, looking up at the ceiling, he gets an arm around himself. If it's blood. Digging his nails into his arm, into his skin, trying to draw it out. ]
I'm not an idiot. I know this is not Anakt Garden.
[ Or maybe he is an idiot because of what he is doing. ]
Is that how you're doing it?
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I don't have to do it that way--
[ Closing his eyes and taking a breath, Ivan attempts to recenter himself before he looked at Till again. It does not help when he notices the way Till was holding himself, digging into his arm. Ivan paused, slowly blinking and taking in what he was looking at.
He still couldn't comprehend Till at all. ]
What are you doing?
[ His usual monotone was audibly soft and breathy. It was a question with no edges or power. What is this idiot doing? Why was it coming from something Till himself asked Ivan to answer for him? Why did it matter how he was going to do it? ]
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However, this ultimately confirms for Till that Ivan already has someone in mind. There is someone. That he is here only to compare cards, and maybe Ivan is right. He cannot do this. He cannot be like Ivan and go out there to seek a someone for himself. He does wish he could close his eyes and wake with his card complete. Even if he comes out of it in a haze.
Fine. He knew already anyway. He is trash.
But maybe Ivan can do all that. Perhaps he can complete the acts, get through playing the game, collect the cards, and fulfill all the requirements. Would he leave him again then? He has nothing to give here, nothing to offer, and his blood is nothing new. He is nothing but an idiot. ]
Nothing.
[ They compared cards. He knows how to find Ivan's room. They've done everything they set out to do today. He should stop imposing on Ivan's time and space. He should reject that hollow feeling that comes with separation. It was never there before. Before he became entirely alone. He sits up and looks toward the cabin's door. ]
I'll send you my door number later.
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He had to force it, raising his brows to give Till a casual look of curiosity. If he was going to send him his door number, that must mean he intended to leave. It probably would have been for the best. If they hope to make it for the long run, they had to find ways to be comfortable with the things they had to do here.
It was easier when it was just singing. ]
Alright, I'll note it in the watch when you do. Does that mean you're leaving?
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[ From the moment they exchanged cards and brushed upon that subject, he lost track of how to proceed. Or was it when he tried to draw the attention in a way he thought would not fail? He touches his arm, his fingers brushing over the self-inflicted scratches, biting his lower lip. Till lowers his gaze to the floor. How many times can he think of himself as an idiot? Endlessly, probably.
He gets up, his intention obviously to head toward the door. If Ivan wants to complete the card, he needs space and time, and he doesn't need Till hovering around. Determined to go, he had already made up his mind not to share his cabin number after all. It would make him a liar, but is that worse than being an idiot? ]
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