myblacksorrow

I didn't think you would be trying to solicit your way into my room so soon.

I'll tell you where it is if your intent is getting another kiss.

[ It took him a bit of time to remember the word Till told him for pressing lips. He was well aware that Till would not be interested in that whatsoever, but he amused himself with posing the impossible happenstance. ]

[ How did his question ellicit that response!? If he could rip the watch off his wrist and throw it against the wall, he would have! Instead, he gets to see the next message pop up, which further sours his expression. Why that? He shouldn't have told Ivan anything! ]

I don't want to go in your stinking room! And I don't want to do kissing with you! We already did it! Then you. Touching lips is normally for lovers! And for love and affection.

Where is your room?

You contradicted every statement you said.

[ There were so many options for what he could pick at first. Does he ask if that makes them lovers? Does he point out that Till didn't deny him just the act? There was also the obvious option of pointing out the denial of wanting to go to his room, but still asking.

Actually, there was a more pressing matter. ]

What is a lover and what do they do?

finding out where your room is doesn't mean i am going to go in there.

[ Obviously!

He just wants to know where it is.

Because. Yeah. He should know? Besides, his primary concern was making sure Ivan has a room to call his own by now. Till hadn't had a room to himself at the start, and it could get kind of awkward and weird.

The next question prompts him to stare at his watch. He never did get an explanation about lovers. That doesn't mean he won't attempt to come up with something! ]

that should be obvious! you shouldn't even have to ask about it. lovers love things and make their lips touch.

So you'll never be a lover.

[ Maybe there was a more gentle way of saying it, but Till seemed quite adamant about not wanting anything to do with things like that. Oh well, he'll move on. ]

I have a room. I'm in my room. I'm with the sixes. Is that what you wanted?

i can be whatever i fucking want!
if i wanted to be a lover i will fucking be a lover!

[ No wait. He doesn't care about stuff like that!

This asshole is back to his normal weird self isn't he? Although he has been bringing up lip touching more often than usual. Is it because they did it once? Whatever. He, at least, has some idea of where Ivan is now. Sort of. ]

i am with the sixes too

That's a nice coincidence. You won't have to go far to find me.

[ That did sound like what was happening. It wasn't that Ivan was completely detached from wanting to be around Till, but there was quite a wealth of things sitting between them that Ivan wasn't addressing. ]

It also means if you decide to be lovers with someone, I will be close by. It might be funny if I was next door while you have interesting company.

why am i going to go searching for you?
if you tell me the room number then i won't have to look.

[ Simple as that. With a room number, he won't have to search the entire floor. Not that he was planning on knocking on every door or hiding behind a corner, waiting to see who comes out of each room. That's something someone weird would do, right? ]

and what's so interesting about that? i said i could if i wanted to. i didn't say i actually wanted to do it. you go do it.

Why are you asking if you aren't intending to come to my room?

[ Till did confuse him more often than not. It had been some time since they were able to talk to each other like this. Something inside Ivan almost felt calmed by Till's inquisitiveness, which motivated his foolish questions. Maybe that was why the last statement caused a pain to embed itself in his chest. ]

Should I? I guess I could accomplish that.

just give me your stupid room number!

i'll go in there if you tell me.

[ Even if he has to do that one thing!

That thing that was not so gross but confusing instead. What had all that been for? Then again, they had no prior knowledge about touching lips—kissing. Ivan had whined about doing stuff like that before. With him. There were others in Anakt Garden. There are others here. And he is essentially telling him to do that with other people. ]

you'll have to to do kissing.

Stand in the hallway and I'll show you. It's difficult to explain.

[ It wasn't that difficult to explain, but he did realize that trying to say where the room was other than 'next to yours' was confusing and based entirely on landmarks. It was easier to get up and walk to the door and just hold it ajar while he continues responding. ]

I think you already know I'm not bothered by having to do kissing.

it's just a damn number
why can't you just tell it to me
how does me going outside into the hallway help

[ He may complain and whine but in the end he does comply. He gets up from the floor and trudges his way to the door, making sure to drag his feet along in a display of annoyance for no one to see or hear. There! He is outside in the hallway! ]

you're going to kiss everyone here?

I didn't say that.

[ He shakes his head, forgoing the typed out response when he sees Till come out of his room just as annoyed as he figured he would be. Ivan leans his head against the door, lifting his hand to give him a wiggly fingered greeting. ]

I'm not going to kiss anyone, I'm just not afraid of having to.

But you're going to kiss someone.

[ The ~~comforting~~ familiarity of Ivan's voice prompts an immediate response out of him, even though his attention is on the watch, waiting for a typed message. It takes him a second to realize Ivan is near. Another second to look up. His frown deepens as he starts to process this. He could have gotten a room number. But instead, he gets to find out like this. Because this is not a coincidence?

This asshole knew all along! He knew they were next door to each other! Backtracking into his room, he disappears briefly into his quarters before he is back. His fist is closed around some vouchers, and that very fist is used to strike Ivan's shoulder. That's what he deserves for all that! ]

I am not afraid of it either!

[ It's more like, the idea makes him feel queasy?

Time to shove his way into Ivan's room, rather than entering like a normal person. ]

[ Ivan doesn't stop him from entering. The door is opened for him and then shut behind him. He could imagine this becoming more common. They would hang out in one room or another in the quiet company they usually enjoy from each other.

Stepping in further to the room after Till, Ivan tilted his head. ]

Do you think I shouldn't? I already know you think it's gross.

[ The dark haired man turns his head to look at a wall instead of Till, considering this. Till may think it's gross, but Ivan's already crossed that line with him. It was supposed to be his goodbye, but how they were standing in each other's company once more. He wasn't supposed to have to answer for his actions, and now he just has to attempt to avoid the subject, or at the very least the answer to the question it would bring up. ]

Can't I do it without kissing? Have you had to?

[ Rather than immediately facing Ivan, he distracts himself studying the layout of Ivan's room. They're the same rank. There shouldn't be any stark differences between their rooms. Technically, that is. He has not forgotten the glaringly obvious differential treatments they received in the same position as pet humans. ]

It's—

[ More confusing than gross. Not an innate desire? Curiosity tempts him to reexperience that moment. The aftermath makes him fear it. ]

You're asking me? You'll do what you want anyway.

[ Rather than check the view through Ivan's window, he turns slightly, not all the way facing him but enough that he can take in his image from the corner of his eyes. ] Do what exactly? [ He feels like he knows what it is. He should have expected Ivan to know already. Of course. He lowers his voice. ] Mating?

[ Ivan has not altered his room in any way, so it should be the same as Till, he thinks. He never has a need for much. The way he was pampered as a pet was purely Unsha's work and desire.

The way Till was asking made Ivan wonder if he's ever noticed what he did and didn't do. He would expect the man lived in his own world so much that it would be a miracle if he could recall most of what Ivan did even during the Alien Stage. Now they stood in an environment where not only did they not have to deal with expectations placed on them as pets, but also no guardians to control them either. Everything they did from how one was going to be free. Mostly. ]

You've been here longer. I wanted to see what your experience has been.

[ Instead of answering anything about himself, he decides to move on and address what Till's been doing or feeling instead. ]

It hasn't been that much longer.

[ In comparison to some of the other people he has spoken to. It's hardly anything to consider, especially when he has spent the majority of his time in his room. Yes, he does venture out. Eating is a necessity. Yes, he speaks to people, but that watch makes it all too convenient for him. It means avoiding face-to-face interactions. There are some people he likes because they are good, and friendly, and gentle, like Hiyori and Reira-chan. Then there are the weird and confusing bunch, and some he doesn't know how to place due to his negative perception of anything not human (too close to segyein).

He can relay everything he has learned however, he isn't that much of an asshole to leave Ivan completely in the dark. Although it seems he already has an idea of what this place is about, if he is asking about doing it. ]

But I can tell you what I know. Or what you need to know. What do you want to know?

I'm not interested in knowing.

[ That may have been a lie, but it wasn't what he wanted to know from Till. If he needed to know about those things, he had a huge book sitting on the table that was begging to be read. It would sit there for a few more days before he begins considering the contents. No, he specifically wanted to know about Till, but this turn out was fine, too. ]

If I have to do it, I'll figure it out when it happens. I just wondered if you had done it.

[ Why?

The whole notion feels strangely foreign to him, considering it serves no purpose. There is no end goal aside from participating in a game that involves collecting cards in the most convoluted way. They are mating, but there are no products. It's a relief, really; he wouldn't want that to happen! After some consideration, he has to admit this is not the worst situation he could be in, but it's awful enough. Weird. It's for entertainment. But they're human.

Then why does Ivan want to know that? Does he want to know his experience with the act? ] Everyone has to do it! [ And of course, he delivers a none answer. ]

Why are you deflecting? The answer hardly matters. Like you said, everyone has to do it.

[ He closes his eyes, walking past Till to sit on the bed. He was used to this feeling. This ignorance. The deflecting within the unseen whirlpool of emotions between them. Was it really so embarrassing to admit you might have participated in mating? It's what they were there for.

When his eyes open, he looks at Till, leaning back in his bed while observing the way he looked now. It helped him ignore the dull feeling scratching at him behind his ears.]

Don't worry about it. We can talk about something else.

It matters!

[ Because it's embarrassing and humiliating to talk about stuff like that! They were never meant to go through that process. They were idols, meant only to perform. They were meant to entertain. To be used until whatever outcomes awaited them. Well. At least, there was an ending. Not a tidy conclusion. It was a mess; he was left behind with that unfading image.

Suppose he could make that memory a blur; it would be an improvement over confusion. If he could make it a haze, then he wouldn't have to think about it. ]

I haven't done it!

But I know I have to do it soon.

[ He should hit Ivan again! It would be well deserved! And he feels safe in the knowledge that Ivan is in perfect health. As far as he knows, there haven't been any detrimental effects lingering after what happened. Slowly, he takes the few steps needed to reach Ivan, he raises his hand to strike him, but drops it, making a frustrated sound. ]

I wasn't worried about it! [ He was ignoring it! ]

[ Ivan watched as Till approached with his hand raised. When the hit doesn't come, he raises a brow. He wasn't aiming to be met with violence, but it was curious about Till's wavering emotions. ]

You're talking about it a lot. Am I the reason you're having so many problems thinking about things like that?

[ Usually, Ivan preferred the background. He would quietly follow Till everywhere and fit himself in whatever the other man was doing. This was not something he felt he could find a place to put himself because of the clearly intimate nature of what was being asked of them, but that hasn't stopped him from noticing how Till locked up and dwelled on the subject much harder than he usually did anything else. ]

If you need to talk about why this is bothering you so much, I can listen to you.

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