[ With the touch to his shoulder, Ivan looked up again, opening his eyes and looking at Till. Ivan wasn't blaming Till for his reaction. If he never brought up, that much mean he didn't might, right? Being around Till was painful, yes, but that was a life behind him. He had figured out how to live with all of Till's shortcomings. They were friends now. It was going to be impossible to fix everything about themselves, but they could still be friends.
They both were choosing to live here, so they were also choosing to participate in what being here meant. Ivan wasn't going to bring it up in any fashion. There was no need. Till wanted to try, so they both would try. They both would do their best to live without the segyein and their oppression.
But for right now, he wanted to focus on what Till was going to say.]
[ No words follow when he calls Ivan's name, nor when their eyes meet. Till takes this opportunity to look at Ivan's face again in a search for some meaning. It's futile as always, but this time failure isn't accompanied by disappointment. They would have time now. In Anakt Garden, time was a limited commodity, and he had failed to utilize it effectively. All those moments spent together in silence during each session of mandatory playtime could have been used to gain perspective, comprehension, but too hurt Till wanted to be lost. Briefly, he considers that maybe this could be the same. The difference is that he is pulling at the threads binding him together; a misstep means pain would follow.
This is supposed to be trust?
If the wound becomes too deep, unbearable, he can always go back. That may not mend things, but he can escape reality once more, or maybe he can hold on to it tighter—that other reality. The one that has an obvious conclusion in its future. Till will let it hurt a little, enough, because they are both deserving of an opportunity to know something different; however, that requires him to take a chance on this. Ivan is striving forward; he can do the same.
His hand remains where it's at, his grip still firm, and his eyes continue to study Ivan's features. ]
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no subject
They both were choosing to live here, so they were also choosing to participate in what being here meant. Ivan wasn't going to bring it up in any fashion. There was no need. Till wanted to try, so they both would try. They both would do their best to live without the segyein and their oppression.
But for right now, he wanted to focus on what Till was going to say.]
Till?
no subject
This is supposed to be trust?
If the wound becomes too deep, unbearable, he can always go back. That may not mend things, but he can escape reality once more, or maybe he can hold on to it tighter—that other reality. The one that has an obvious conclusion in its future. Till will let it hurt a little, enough, because they are both deserving of an opportunity to know something different; however, that requires him to take a chance on this. Ivan is striving forward; he can do the same.
His hand remains where it's at, his grip still firm, and his eyes continue to study Ivan's features. ]
Close your eyes.